Episode 19 - How to stay motivated

(Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai. Go Unlimited to remove this message.) Hi, welcome to the 3 English Experts. I'm Dave, I'm Rebecca and I'm Birgit and welcome to this episode. 3 English Experts is your English podcast to help you speak better English and create a positive and happy mindset for your English learning journey. Hi everyone and welcome to this episode. Today we are going to talk about a very important topic when it comes to language learning. We are going to talk about motivation, how to get it, how to keep it, like everything in life, you know, whether you're learning a language, whether you're learning a new guitar or you're going to the gym, motivation is extremely important and we all want that little pill that you could just pop and it would give you motivation, but unfortunately it doesn't work like that. So we're going to kick off with Birgit because Birgit is still learning Dutch and she's still going. So Birgit, tell us what were your tips for listeners? What would you say your tips are on staying motivated, getting motivated to keep going? Okay, thank you, Rebecca. Hello everybody. I had some thoughts on that, what keeps me motivated on that subject and what didn't on other subjects. Maybe I started to learn the guitar, for example, maybe 10 years ago and at some point I stopped. Yeah, why did I stop and why do I go on with Dutch? I think what is important here is you have to make a choice. You have to take a decision. Is that important for you? Why would you really, really like to be able to either play the guitar or speak Dutch? And for me, being able to talk in yet another language weighs far more. I mean, I do experience something which I can also use in my daily work because I know then what it takes to be learning vocabulary and to stick to it. Whereas playing an instrument, I have nobody around me who I could join. And that's one thing I would like to mention, talk about it. If you have decided you want to start something new, maybe improve your English, start talking to people, telling them, because that's kind of creating some accountability that you might, well, people might ask you, how is it going? And you might get positive feedback and you might discover I've made some progress and watch out for the little steps. The thing for me with learning that language is that I have no pressure at all. It's not put on to me from outside. So it's my own decision. I think that's a good point. It's your your decision. You decided I'm going to do this. Right. Yeah. And I try to be nice to myself. I try to make it a positive experience. And there's no time limit to when I need to be better. But I do see the little steps now with my Dutch trainer. I realize I take far less notes. I know more words. I listen to podcasts, so I understand better. I am able to speak more sentences than I was able to half a year ago. And I enjoy that, even if I'm not motivated all the time, maybe. But I do come back to it. And I have a little notebook, which I know it looks nice. And that's my little Dutch book. So, yes, no pressure, I think. And no deadline. A nice thing, but important with some importance to me. Yeah, I think I appreciate this little steps. I think people always want to, you know, we talk about progress. People want to see this big, they have to have these very big goals. And then, you know, it's everybody knows it's often these little steps you have to celebrate, you know, the little success stories along the way. And they don't have to be anything big. It could just be I wrote a new phrase in my email today and it worked really well. Or I learned something, I learned a new word and I've used it. And, you know, every little situation where you successfully use your English or whatever language it is you're learning, or that you get nice feedback from somebody and they say, yeah, you know, that's what keeps you going. I think you have to have those positive moments. Otherwise, it just doesn't. Yeah, then if there's no feedback, I suppose you need this kind of positive feedback is important, right? So, would you say your Dutch trainer is quite positive? Does he? It's a girl. It's a lady. She actually she lives in Spain. Yes, she does in a way that she then says, I'm going to send you something more difficult next time. And she provides material, she takes notes, and I get a lot out of the sessions. I think that's important for me. Yeah, keeps you going. Yeah. And I think that's another point is something I'm going to send you a little bit more difficult. So, I wanted to talk about this, the zones of the comfort zone, the stretch zone and the panic zone. So, when we're learning, if you're in your comfort zone, that means you're doing things where it feels quite easy, feels very familiar. I'm learning maybe on Duolingo at a level that's actually quite easy. So, yeah, I can just cruise through and it's okay. But ultimately, at some point you get bored because it's just boring because you're not you may be repeating stuff, which is never bad, but you're not progressing. The opposite of the comfort zone, of course, is the panic zone. I've been there where you set your one night before my Japanese exam, you set your targets so high and then you realize and it's just overwhelming because you think, what am I doing? And this is way too difficult. And you get into this panic feeling of and then you avoid because it's just too much and you just block. So, also not very motivating. Some people think, oh, I want a really high target. I think that was my idea. I want this really high target and the fear will motivate me. But the fear just freaked me out. I was having nightmares about this exam. I thought I was going to be on Takeshi's Castle and all sorts of things. I was having really strange. Did you pass? I did. I did pass. I was so proud of myself. Wow. But it was like a full day sitting in this room in Stuttgart doing this exam. And I went down. Stress level was huge. I dreamt I was going to be a contestant on Takeshi's Castle and I was going to run around in this helmet and stuff. Yes. So, that was panic zone. I did pass, but it wasn't pleasant. And afterwards, I kind of avoided Japanese for a while because I was just a bit like. So, what we're looking for is the stretch zone and you don't have to wear leggings. It's okay. No yoga, no leggings necessary. The stretch zone is like, it's a little bit challenging, but it's not panic. It's like, yes, try something a bit more difficult. Let's work on something new, learning new words, maybe trying a different grammar structure, but you're not panicking. It's doable, but it's challenging. And that keeps you motivated because then you really do see progress. Dave, are you in the stretch zone with your Spanish? Oh, probably in the comfort zone, to be honest with you. He's honest. I'm in the comfort zone. I haven't progressed so much, really. I have to be totally honest with you. And I think the problem is you come back to the why. And I'm afraid my why is not strong enough to really push me to do it even or to do it more than I am at the moment. Basically, I spend most of my time listening to people, listening to conversations, and that's basically my learning. And for me, that's kind of enough at the moment. So, I really understand when people say, I just don't have the time to learn. I really understand that with students because I feel the same for me. If I actually, even if it's only 10 minutes, I'm taking time out from my work, from other things I need to do. And so, sometimes it's really difficult. But I think that's where it comes, you know, you need to know your why, why you're doing it. And for me, the Spanish is not really, it's not as strong as it should or could be. And then also, once you know the why, is having the self-discipline just to do it. And, you know, sometimes I have arguments with myself. Do I? Don't I? I could be spending the time doing this, or I should be spending the time doing this. And I think this is something where I once watched an interview with Arnold Schwarzenegger. And of course, he was talking about going to the gym. And he mentioned how people have this inner conversation with each other when they wake up in the morning. Do I go to the gym or don't I go to the gym? And his advice basically says, don't think. Wake up. Don't think. Just go to the gym and do it. And then afterwards, you feel better. I do that for the gym because the why is big for me. I want to go to the gym. It's important for me, but I haven't brought that through fully yet for Spanish. And so, yeah, I think I can totally understand when students say to me, you know, what about motivation? I say, well, firstly, you have to have the why. And then I think if you've got the why, then the discipline kicks in, or you just have to try and be more self -disciplined and start it. Don't question it. Don't think about it. Do it. And then with that, the small progress as you spoke about, I think that then hopefully will work. And I think when you say this, for most people who approach us and need to improve their English, it's coming from the outside. That might be a little different because they wait a long, too long, maybe sometimes, because they think they can avoid or they will never need it. And then all of a sudden, within the next three months, they need to talk. But still, yeah, that can still be a very strong point to tell yourself, OK, take off a little bit the pressure here and recognize why you need it. And then maybe give yourself certain steps. I would also recommend stepping back every two or three months, reflect what's possible, set realistic goals, change things that don't work and readjust maybe. Absolutely. I think you're absolutely right. I've had a lot of clients who've avoided for years English and then they turn up and they're in the panic zone. They're really in the panic zone because they're getting a new job or they're getting a new boss and they're going to have to talk in English. And so it's of course, it's good to avoid that. Try to start earlier. Don't think you can avoid it forever. But like I said, I mean, I think motivation out of fear is never a good thing. So some people, you know, they think, oh, well, if I've got fear, then I will I will work really hard. And actually fear makes is a very negative in many ways, is a negative emotion. And in the end, you then avoid it because there's this fear of failure. The fear of failure is overwhelming. And so you don't take risks. You don't take, you know, challenge yourself because you're just so convinced you're going to fail. So the motivation really needs to come from a positive place. So even if, OK, you found out three months down the road, getting a new boss and I'm going to have to speak English, of course, maybe you're in the panic zone. Try to see the positives. So I'm going to this is going to something that I'm going to need will help me for the rest of my life. It's a positive development. It's not a fear thing. It's I'm finally taking steps. I'm finally doing something that I've avoided. It's good for my brain health. You know, at the end of the day, language learning is good for your brain. It's like Dave going to the gym at the end of the day. You have to it can't just be about it's got to you have to see the benefits. You know, it's good for my health. It's good for my, you know, daily feeling or whatever. I think rather than this, oh, I have to go. No. Why? I'm going because it's good for me and I'm doing something positive. It's not just about calories or I don't know what it's, you know, the motivation is to come from somewhere positive. Yes. And I think that's very often in our life today. We are driven by, oh, I have to. I know that a lot that I use this language also. It's moose. And that's putting pressure on myself. And it's always good to to look at it from a different point of view. And obviously, I mean, you read different books and you get input. And looking at the life we live today, it's a life of extremes, really. It's like everything is possible all the time. We can be entertained all the time. We can use our devices and we can buy 24 hours. And that's so much seduction out there. Why not try to to calm down? Yeah. So and even and find finding the time to start something new, a learning process. Do it quietly, calmly, switch off your devices. I mean, that's also can give you more than that learning. It just gives you time for yourself, freedom, time for yourself. Yeah. And switch off that. Have to have to take it as a chance. I think that's a lot of chance in the end. Positive, positive chance. Yeah, I think that's yeah, you're absolutely right. I've seen that many places where you should try to change the have to into get to. So not say have to, but I get to. So, for example, I have to go to the gym. No, I get to go to the gym, train out and hopefully feel better. I have to learn English. No, I get to learn English, improve my English, maybe do better in my job, maybe have better relationships with other cultures, with other people. Travel obviously makes life better if you speak English, traveling in various countries. So this idea of saying get to as opposed to to the have to, you know, it's a good motivational phrase. I think, yeah, this must like Birgit was saying with this, ich muss das, ich muss gar nichts, you know, at the end of the day, someone was actually saying something to me in German the day about basically putting pressure on me to do something that just for me wasn't that important. And she was just from her point of view, it was important. But for me, it really wasn't relevant. I said, nein, Rebecca, das musst du machen, you have to do that. And I said, ich muss gar nichts. It's great. I don't have to do anything. Thank you very much. It's my decision if I do that or not. And she was a bit sort of shocked, but it was, you know, no, no, I don't have to do that. I can choose to do that, but I've chosen not to do that. So back off, lady. Yeah. But actually, I noticed that when you were talking about your Spanish, you did say, oh, I don't do as much as I should do. And I was thinking, well, why should you actually? You know, you're already making that kind of negative. You're telling yourself you should do, but should you? If you don't really, you know, if you're getting on OK and you're doing OK and it's enough, why should you really, you know, is it going to change your job? Is it going to, you know, I think again, it's this, oh, I should, I should. Well, should you? I don't know. I've always seen myself as more of a linguist than other things. I enjoy languages. And so in a way, it kind of surprises me that I don't, I'm not sort of engaging it as much as I could or should be, as I'm using the word should again. I could be, not as I should be, as I could be. And so, yeah, it's difficult sometimes just to get motivated to do it. And I would like to, I think often I'm doing it very passively. And I think that's OK, basically, because as I said, time is precious. And so do I take the time out to go to the Spanish class or do I spend time with the family or do I do something else? It's always these trade-offs, isn't it? What to do in that situation? Thankfully, my wife can speak good Spanish. My son obviously is growing up. He can speak Spanish now. So that's great. So the question is, do I need it? However, there have been situations where I just thought, geez, Dave, if you had spent the last three years learning the language, you would not be in this situation right now. And then you just think, you know, but hey. But again, as we talked about, this is why it's self-compassion, you know, that it doesn't always have to be and should be. And also, I think that's the one thing when you're at something in an area of your life and then you don't do it, like you say, you're actually an linguist and you're good at languages and you like languages. And then suddenly you're not motivated. You start to question yourself. Exactly. Exactly. But it doesn't always connect. You know, it doesn't just because you were really motivated to learn German. So it doesn't necessarily mean you're going to be motivated to Spanish. So it's just sometimes it just doesn't always. I started learning. What was I learning? Portuguese or was it Italian? Oh, and I just and I just could not get into it. I don't know. Me and Italian, I couldn't find Italian. Rebecca, my Italian voice was like, I just felt like an idiot. I just sounded weird and I just I just couldn't get into it. And sometimes that's it's just, you know, just doesn't work. You have to be authentic. You know? Yeah. That feeling of negativity, the fear that you said before this. And I obviously, when I say to people I've lived in Spain now for nearly three years and they say, how's your Spanish? I see that's coming from a negative space. Then there's the shame. You feel ashamed. Oh, I should be this level now or I should. And then again, then you're getting into this, you know, cycle of sort of negative. So then you'll avoid it even more if it's from a positive space somehow. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It is. And when you we're talking about you guys, maybe coming over to Spain and I know you both speak good Spanish. Yeah, exactly. I'm the local here. And Dave, you go and order me. Oh, Jesus Christ. No. We know what to do. We're going to make Dave do everything. We're just going to be like, no, I'm not. And you've got to do everything. Yeah, very embarrassing. Very embarrassing. No, but you see, that's a that's very authentic and good for our listeners, because not everybody feels so well, so organized and so successful. And we have our ups and downs, too. Absolutely. Exactly. The so-called experts. Yeah, I think that's absolutely true. Everyone has their ups and downs. Nobody's perfect. We're it is what it is. So what are we going to talk about in our next session? This is how to talk business. Dave? Yes. What is business English? Often people say we want to learn business English. OK, so what is business English? What does it mean? What do we need to learn? Maybe some grammar, some phrases, meetings, presentations, all this stuff. That's what we're going to look at a little bit next week. Sounds good. OK, hopefully you'll be listening. Bye for now. Take care. Bye bye. Bye for now. Take care. Thank you so much for pressing play today. If you have any comments, questions or perhaps suggestions for future episodes, feel free to contact us at our website, 3EnglishExperts.com. Have a great day and see you next time.